Marriage Savers
News
Marriage Savers Report Card 2008 & Vision for 2009
Progress 2008 – Two Books Published
Marriage Savers® believes the two biggest destroyers of marriage
today are divorce and cohabitation. We have written a book on each issue
this year suggesting answers.
 Living Together: Myths, Risks & Answers by
Mike and Harriet McManus
The Problem:
Two-thirds of those marrying are living together. Cohabiting couples
soared 15-fold from 430,000 in 1960 to 6.4 million in any month of 2007.
Over a year, perhaps 10 million couples cohabited. But only 1.5 million
married. Thus, 85% experienced premarital divorce that can be as painful
as a real divorce. One study estimates that those who marry after living
together are 50% more likely to divorce. Couples say they are in a
“trial marriage.” No, that is a myth. Nine out of ten are really in a
“trial divorce.” The only issue is whether they will break up before the
wedding or afterwards. Cohabitation has also diverted tens of millions
from marrying. In 1970 there were 21 million never-married Americans,
but 60 million in 2006 – a tripling. That’s why the marriage rate has
plunged 50% since 1970. Some 41% of cohabiting couples also have a child
-- virtually the same as the 46% of married couples. No wonder
out-of-wedlock births soared from 224,000 in 1960 (5% of births) to 1.65
million in 2006, 38.5% of births.
The Answers
Paul wrote to the Thessalonians: “Test everything. Hold onto the
good. Avoid every kind of evil.” Couples who live together are embracing
evil. However, our book reports some churches are giving couples a
better answer. First, churches should ask cohabiting couples to move
apart if they want a church wedding. Whether they do so or not, however,
churches can offer them a premarital inventory which gives couples a
much better way to test the relationship. They also train couples in
healthy marriages to be Mentor Couples who talk through the issues
surfaced by the inventory and teach skills to resolve conflict. “The
message sent? We care about your relationship, and we will help you
build a better one,” praises columnist Maggie Gallagher. “Rebuilding the
next generation’s faith in love, the McManuses say, needs to become a
more urgent priority.” Pollster George Barna adds, “This book not only
describes how to equip couples to be influential (marriage) mentors, but
provides the statistical back-up as to the difference such coaching
makes in relationships.” Barna also praises our Community Marriage
Policies® as a “united and productive action undertaken across church
lines” that “every pastor should consider adopting.” Marriage Savers has
persuaded 10,000 clergy to adopt these reforms in 223 Community Marriage
Policies. These CMPs begin with solid marriage preparation but also
include post-marital innovations now missing in most churches:
1. Enrichment: an annual event costing less than $15 per couple,
such as “10 Great Dates” in which couples gather at church on 10
Saturday nights to watch a DVD on a topic like “Resolving Honest
Conflict,” then have a date to discuss it.
2, Restoration: train couples whose marriages once nearly failed
to mentor those in crisis. Every church has couples who have survived
adultery, who could mentor a similar couple.
3. Reconciliation of separated couples with a Marriage 911
workbook course, taken by a spouse trying to save the marriage with a
friend of the same gender.
4. Stepfamilies divorce at a 70% rate, but a Stepfamily Support
Group saves 80%.
Community Marriage Policies jump-started these reforms and cut the
divorce rate in our first 114 cities by 17.5% saving 31,000 to 50,000
marriages by 2001, according to an independent study by the Institute
for Research and Evaluation. The divorce rate fell 48% - 70% in Austin,
El Paso, Kansas City, KS and its suburbs, Modesto, CA, Yuma, AZ, Salem,
OR. With seven more years and twice as many CMPs (223) created, perhaps
100,000 divorces have been avoided. CMPs also reduced cohabitation by
33% compared by similar cities. Finally, cities like Evansville are
seeing marriage rates rise.
 How
To Cut America’s Divorce Rate in Half by Mike McManus
The Problem:
There have been 43 million divorces since 1970, shattering the lives
of 41 million children. That’s one divorce for every two marriages. In
1970 69% of U.S. adults were married vs. only 49% today. The major force
driving this very high divorce rate is No Fault Divorce Law in 49 states
that no longer require proof of major fault (physical abuse, adultery,)
to get a divorce, but allows a spouse to claim “irreconcilable
differences.” The other spouse in four out of five cases argues the
marriage is reconcilable but the divorce is always granted. Result:
divorces jumped from 639,000 to 1,036,000 in 5 years.
President Reagan’s son, Michael, wrote, “Divorce is where two adults
take everything that matters to a child, the child’s home, family,
security and sense of being loved and protected and the smash it all up,
leave it in ruins on the floor, and then walk out and leave the child to
clean up the mess.” No Fault is also unconstitutional. The 5th and the
14th Amendments guarantee that “No person be deprived of life, liberty
or property without de process of law.” Yet how can there be “due
process” if the spouse opposing the divorce always loses?
The Answer
Mike calls for a change in state law, a reform of No Fault Divorce to
require written Mutual Consent of both parents of minor children, except
in cases of proven adultery, physical abuse, etc. Both legal experts and
religious leaders believe Mutual Consent could cut America’s divorce
rate in half. Evansville Bishop Gerald Gettelfinger wrote in an
Endorsement: “By giving the spouse who wants to save the marriage an
equal voice with an unhappy mate, many marriages would be restored,
perhaps saving most of them.” Divorce Attorney John Crouch, Director of
Americans for Divorce Reform, explains why he supports replacing No
Fault Divorce with Mutual Consent in cases of children: “The law would
guide people to postpone the decision until they had worked out the
details of how the divorce would actually work. A large proportion of
divorces would be avoided altogether, and most of the rest would be
settled out of court. Divorces would be fairer to both parties with less
legal fees. I believe it could reduce divorce rates as much as 50
percent. Changing the rules about ending a marriage would prevent a lot
of marriages from breaking down in the first place. They would not only
influence the decision to divorce, but the behavior and choices that
lead to divorce.”
Vision for 2009
State Legal Reform
Don Wildmon, chairman of the American Family Association, praised our
Divorce Reform book by saying, “It would save millions of marriages and
stabilize American families, giving kids a much better start in life. I
can't think of any reform that could make America a better place." These
were not just nice words. AFA bought 1,000 copies of the book for their
activists. One copy moved Bryan Fischer at the Idaho Values Alliance to
talk with the Idaho Senate Majority Leader and the Speaker of the House.
Both are committed to a Modified No Fault Reform that would give both
parents of young children a voice on whether there should be a divorce.
The Family Research Council also bought 1,000 copies. One prompted John
Stemberger, President of the Florida Family Policy Council to email Mike
McManus, “We are ready to roll!” He asked Mike to speak to his staff and
then his Board’s Executive Committee. Result: Mike will be meeting with
Florida State Legislators for breakfast on February 2. That will be
followed by a mid-morning press conference and a noon luncheon with the
Policy Council’s full board. The Wisconsin Family Policy Council will
also make this an issue for 2009., as will other states. If you would
like to launch a similar effort in your state, call Mike McManus at 301
469-5873.
Community Marriage Policies in Big Cities
Marriage Savers is pleased to report that a foundation has made a
grant which will make it possible for us to organize Community Marriage
Policies in several major metropolitan areas. Up to this time, Marriage
Savers has simply responded to inquiries. On the day this was written, a
call came in from Ulysses, Kansas, population 6,000. If that leads to a
trip to Western Kansas, we will go. But it makes more sense to focus our
energy in a larger city such as Milwaukee or Philadelphia. If you live
in a major metro area, and would like to see hundreds or thousands of
area churches get involved in saving marriages, please call us.
You Can Be a Marriage Saver
The recession will increase the divorce rate. Ironically, at a time
Marriage Savers is most needed, individuals are less inclined to
contribute. Yet, this is the very time our marriage ministry, that is
poised to help, most needs financial support. You can be a Marriage
Saver by helping us reach out to communities and couples who can benefit
from our marriage ministries of preparation, enrichment and restoration.
A contribution is one way you can allay the emotional fallout of our
troubled economy by promoting stable marriages and sustaining the
wellbeing of families and children. Please consider including Marriage
Savers in your end-of-year giving plans. Marriage Savers has made a
difference over the past twenty years – community by community,
congregation by congregation, and couple by couple. Your donation can
make a difference too!
- Donate $50 and receive a DVD overview of How Marriage Savers
Reduces Divorce Rates plus our new book, How To Cut America’s
Divorce Rate in Half.
- Donate $100+ and receive our DVD plus two new books, Living
Together: Myths, Risks & Answers and How To Cut America’s Divorce
Rate in Half.
- Click & Pledge on our website:
marriagesavers.org (or
mail a check in the enclosed envelope).
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